Confessions of a Recovering Homophobic

May 17th was the International Day Against Homophobia. As a diversity professional for the majority of my professional career, I hold memories of myself as being open and affirming. Some of my best friends are gay or lesbian and I couldn't imagine having negative attitudes or feelings toward them simply because of their group identity. As a psychologist, I explored my own psychosexual journey and had been privy to countless individual's psychosexual story and knew that same sex attraction and affection were probably more the norm than most people would care to believe. I have taught classes and workshops on the sexual orientation resolution process, studied the Kinsey Report, know the current sexual orientation scholarship and understand the relationship of sexual orientation to gender; and I have read the research literature on sexual fluidity. I am so enlightened that some of my gay friends tell me I know more about the subject than they do. Yet, I am a recovering homophobic.

In graduate school in the mid-1980s, I took a course entitled, "Counseling the Culturally Different". The title of the course should already be a signal to you that diversity scholarship had a long way to go in the 1980s, since everyone who was not a White, European-American, male of middle class was considered, "culturally different." The approach to the course content followed a culturally-specific model with a menu of those who were different as the focus of each week's lecture. We spent two weeks on gays and lesbians since they were considered very different. A major portion of our grade was determined by the insights that we shared in a two-page reflection paper.

While preparing my prior home for sale and to downsize to a condo, I decided it was really okay to get rid of the boxes of notes and papers from graduate school. After 20 years, I wasn't going to need those notes and besides there were new tools like Google and Wikipedia now if I needed some good reference materials. Paging through the notebooks, I paused finding my reflection papers and took the time to read my paper on homosexuality. I was prepared to read all the wonderful insights that I possessed during a time when I was immersed in daily intellectual rigor and was shocked to find, in my own writing, a rigidity of views and ideas that frighteningly sounded like people who were... yes, I have to admit, homophobic (yikes!). I even wrote quite eloquently about allowing for respect of the gay individual as a human being while acknowledging the atypical and often disordered emotional behaviors. I sat embarrassed and in disbelief. Did I really write that garbage? I would have had gay and lesbian friends at that time and began to wonder about all the ways this homophobia oozed out of me. I am sure that it must have, and to all of my wonderful G/L/B/T friends during those years, I offer a long-overdue apology.

Finding this paper was a god-send. It quelled any sense of diversity righteousness I may have once possessed. I have a lot to learn about the field of which I am noted to be an expert. Yet this is why I love diversity work. It allows me to be a continual student. Diversity is a topic that I will continue to learn about even six months after I am in the grave. Through this work, I have come to know that we are all homophobic (sexist, racist, classist, ageist, etc)... it is just a matter of degree. I continually work to rid myself of homophobia and reduce my own heterosexism. An International Day Against Homophobia is a good reminder for me that I have come a long way, yet am probably unaware of how far I have yet to go.

Civility extends to mentally ill

I was surprised to hear a major network chief medical correspondent use the term "nutcase" when referring to Jared Loughner, the Arizona shooting suspect. Without a doubt, my sympathy is acutely felt for the victims and their family and Congresswoman Gifford as she struggles for life. At the same time, I feel for the Loughner family. What a tortured soul Loughner must be. His psychiatric diagnosis is best left to professionals but if we are to maintain a culture of civility in our society we need to speak with regard for those who suffer from mental illness. I can't even begin to imagine what that must be like. Our most intense emotional experience could not compare to what someone with a psychosis experiences. Who of us had not heard someone call our name and no one did or heard someone say something that they did not? Can you imagine that happening all the time? So sad.
There is much to pray for in our society.

No Confusion When It Comes to the "Isms"

Dimension: Race

On Wednesday before the Thanksgiving holiday, the Cleveland edition of the Call & Post, a weekly newspaper with a largely black readership, published a front page, above the fold editorial criticizing Ohio State Senator Nina Turner for her recent support for Issue 6 that called for county government reform with an elected county executive. As the only black elected official who strongly supported Issue 6 rather than Issue 5 which proposed a committee to conduct a year-long study of county reform, the Call & Post depicted Ms. Turner as Aunt Jemima professing “I be’s da new leader,” in the editorial’s accompanying cartoon.

The Plain Dealer, along with several civic and faith-based groups, has criticized the Call & Post for the cartoon since it was published last week. A Facebook page, We Demand Apology for Call & Post Aunt Jemima Editorial garnered over 500 joiners during the first 24 hours. Yet, the newspaper stands by the editorial cartoon criticizing The Plain Dealer for “haven taken this shot across the bow with a fellow publication.” The Call & Post recent editorial backs its stand and makes no mention of its other critics—namely The United Pastors in Mission, an ecumenical group of predominately black congregations, and several black city councilmen along with many community and business leaders.

The Call & Post is confused on the issue. They can editorialize all they want about Ms. Turner’s position on Issue 6, but there should be no confusion that Aunt Jemima is a derogatory, demeaning label of racism and sexism. There was no confusion that Aunt Jemima was a racial stereotype when a similar cartoon was published (and later apologized for) by The Plain Dealer in 1989. George Forbes, now President of the Cleveland Chapter of the NAACP and legal advisor to the Call & Post, was then a mayoral candidate. Now confused about the cartoon’s use as racist, George Forbes holds both the paper and the local chapter of the NAACP hostage in denouncing the racial slur. Let’s not confuse politics, freedom of speech, the black agenda, the education of the 50,000 black school children, black leadership in Cleveland or the election of the new county executive with racial stereotyping. Aunt Jemima is a demoralizing and demeaning racial and gender stereotype and its use distracts from these important issues and possible solutions. The Call & Post and George Forbes should not be confused about that.

What is certain is that State Senator Nina Turner is not confused about who she is or what she stands for and her position on Issue 6 was very clear from the jump start. That deserves respect. It is beyond disappointment that a black newspaper is not the representative voice of all black people and that the leadership of the local NAACP remains silent on this unprincipled depiction of a black leader. Moving forward, we must demand civility in our debates to move our communities toward inclusion and not be confused about racist and sexist actions even when the source purports to speak for black people and positions oneself as a leader of the black community.

How I Remain Catholic

Diversity Dimension: Religion

Inspired by my friends who are nuns and priests, I wrote last month about why I remain Catholic. How I remain Catholic is another story.

I read with great interest and connecting energy, Maureen Dowd's column in the New York Times this Sunday. If you have not read it, it is definitely worth a read--even if you are not Catholic because the message touches all of our lives in so manys.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/25/opinion/25dowd.html

Women Religious across the United States have been the catalyst for government taking responsibility for social services, having done the lion's share of the work long before civic agencies took notice. Many of these dedicated, committed women are also responsible for providing the best of the best education, especially to poor students who were often students of color. These students are now leading physicians, attorneys, journalists, etertainers, senators and congressmen.

When I read about the outreach being done to conservative Anglicans I felt uncomfortable--not because I do not believe that we should not make every attempt to achieve the goal Jesus set out for us, "that they all may be one," but that this interpretation only included certain "ones". Maureen Dowd's article articulated the source of my discomfort. So how do I remain Catholic?

This week the exhibit, Choosing to Participate, sponsored by Facing History and Ourselves organization, opened at Cleveland's Western Reserve Historical Society. The multimedia exhibit encourages people of all ages to consider the conseqences of their everyday choices. It inspires us to make the essential connection between history and the moral choices that confront our lives. A companion exhibit to the four pods that chronicles the history of the Little Rock Nine; Arn Chorn Pond, a Cambodian refugee; the Billings Montana hate crime response; and an Hispanic journalist, is an exhibit of protraits and profiles of community Upstanders. Upstanders are described as ordinary people who are capable of doing extraordinary things. Upstanders take a positive stand and act on behalf of others. Please visit my latest blog on Huffington Post to read more about this exhibit.

There is a connection to this work and how I remain Catholic. I do so by staying joined to others who imagine a truly universal church, who work to make the dream of inclusion a reality and who create the kind of world where everyone(not just those of a certain mindset or gender or sexual orientation) matters. I am disappointed that American nuns--Upstanders in their own right--are not being afforded the respect they deserve.

Why I Remain Catholic

Diversity Dimension: Religion

Yesterday I went to a chicken barbecue dinner and boutique event, an annual fundraiser for the religious community where I was once a member. The event is a big draw because it also serves as a grand reunion for families and former students. It was a real hoot seeing so many people I once knew when there were only three television channels.

I saw an old friend who asked me if I was still Catholic and how I was faring in the diocesan turmoil of consolidating and closing parishes. She clearly must have recalled the renegade nature of my youth. I was honest with her and said that I believe myself to be Catholic by cultural and by ritual. I stayed focused on my local parish (that was divinely spared the cuts) and on living out the gospel values. I paid more attention to church with a small "c" than the Church with the capital "C". She understood and felt similarly.

When I got home I continued to think about why I remain Catholic. I do believe that there are other faith traditions that represent more fully my thinking about social justice and diversity than Catholicism does. Although I love my faith family, I could also probably find another fabulous faith community with whom to worship. Then I was struck my the fact that I know a lot of really great priests and nuns. They break most of the stereotypes of priests and nuns in a good way. I witness the full expression of my values for diversity and inclusion in my priest and nun friends who are into this Catholic thing much deeper than I am. My priest and nun friends give witness to gospel values and represent for me what being Catholic is about. I value their friendship for they represent for me what being Catholic really means. By their witness they support me to remain Catholic.

When you only have a hammer...Debate

Dimension: Gender

Rudy Giuliani on The View on 9/11reflected on the meaning of this day in our history. He stated that as a result of 9/11 Republicans and Democrats came together to bring the country out of crisis. He went on to say that this act of coming together only lasted for a few months. Both parties then went back to disagreeing and debating. After all, that is what republicans and democrats do...they disagree and debate.

As the saying goes, when you only have a hammer everything looks like a nail. If the only thing Republicans and Democrats know how to do is disagree and debate we are in a sorry state of affairs.The ill effects of having only one communication tool are hindering our efforts to reform health care.

Debate is a form of communication designed to win over, influence and persuade. In a debate one listens for rebuttal rather than listening to understand. The goal of a debate is to win rather than to achieve new ways of knowing and understanding.

Dialogue is form of communication used for complex issues such as the ones we are now facing as a country. It aims to enlighten and create an atmosphere where everyone learns and grows. Dialogue is useful for creative thinking and developing new approaches and methods.

We need new approaches and methods to the age-old problem of health care reform. It is easier to debate health care reform because you only have to believe and push your side of the issue. Facts do not matter because in such a complex issue "facts" come in many forms. Choose your fact and just keep pushing it.

Dialogue requires that you suspend your understanding of the issue to get clarity on the other side of the issue. Dialogue requires a non-defensive, non-competitive posture, a spirit of inquiry, openness to influence, and respect for each other as colleagues. These conditions are far harder to achieve than to create conditions for a debate. Toddlers and adolescents have the emotional maturity to debate. Dialogue requires a level of emotional maturity sorely missing from too many of our civic leaders.

As a diversity champion, I have this fantasy that if there were more women in the Senate and Congress we might move toward dialogue. But I live in reality where I am getting pounded by the hammer of debate.

EQ Deficit Threatens Healthcare Reform

Diversity Dimension: All

Anyone who knows me would know that I am an emotional person with a lot of passion for justice, so I understand the emotional context from which Rep. Joe Wilson was coming from with his outburst last evening during the President's speech. Yet, my solid Catholic school upbringing and authoritative parents taught me a lot about respect and when to keep my mouth shut. I do not know anything about Representative Wilson but I heard Joe Scarborough on Morning Joe remark that he is typically a quiet guy. Perhaps this is true. What is certain is that he chose a bad time to speak up.

I have written a lot about the need for diversity competencies in order to manage the complexities of our current global reality. The current health care debate and the Rep.Wilson's outburst underscores the need for these competencies if we are going to continue to maintain our status as a leading nation. But let me tell you, I was seriously worried last evening about our capacity to do so witnessing how differences were managed by some of our civic leaders. More than ever their emotional intelligence (EQ) needs to be enhanced. Whatever the details of the health care bill, their ability to shape the future will be determined by how they interact with those with whom they most vehemently disagree. President Obama and Senator John McCain are roles model in this regard-- treating fierce opponents with respect. President Obama didn't react. Senator McCain denounced the action and called for an immediate apology.

No matter how much we know or think we know about the details of the health care reform bill, the content will have no meaning if the process is so disruptive. Effective process requires emotional intelligence from those participating in the change effort. This is a deficit area we need to pay close attention to and not merely label the disruptive process as the game of politics. No matter what the outcome for this reform, low EQ on the part of our civic leaders will threaten our future.